


The Unread Letter

by Miko



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blackwatch Era, Hand Jobs, Loss of Limbs, M/M, Misunderstandings, One-Sided Relationship, Oral Sex, Post-Recall, Relationship Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-17 05:32:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15454401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miko/pseuds/Miko
Summary: 'Complicated' has always been an understatement when it comes to Jesse's relationship with Genji, but the bombing of Swiss Headquarters brings them together like never before.Finallyit seems like Genji is willing to admit there's something more than sex between them. At least one good thing might come out of this complete shitstorm of a clusterfuck.Except then Genji runs, like he always does when Jesse gets too close emotionally. Jesse has had it with the hot and cold treatment, and he's determined to get over Genji once and for all.Of course, it's never that easy to convince your heart to listen to reason. Especially when he's so damnsurethat Genji wants him, too.





	1. Chapter 1

"Jesse!" 

Someone was calling his name, but the warm blackness of sleep was too enticing. Whoever it was, they were distant and muffled, and they weren't knocking at his door, so they could damn well wait 'til a decent hour of the morning.

Assuming it wasn't already afternoon. Jesse could feel one hell of a headache pounding at his temples, which suggested he might have imbibed a bit too much the night before. He clung to sleep with all his might, hoping the headache would have eased by the time he woke properly.

"Can you hear me? Jesse!"

The voice was getting closer, and despite himself, Jesse was being dragged toward wakefulness. Enough to identify the voice, anyway. It was Genji, which was odd. The ninja usually avoided Jesse when possible, and if Jesse was missing a briefing or something, it was Reyes himself who'd come pounding on the door. 

Weirder still was Genji using his given name. Jesse didn't think he'd ever heard the Japanese man call him anything but 'McCree'.

" _Jesse_! Answer me!"

Genji sounded bizarrely... frantic. Almost panicked. It was strange enough that Jesse reluctantly hauled himself awake, drawing in a breath to mumble some kind of answer. He got a lungful of dust and grit that sent him into a wracking coughing fit. 

Agony speared through his body, way more than the general aches and pains of a bad hangover. Groaning, Jesse forced his eyes open to find himself in total blackness, so impenetrable he wondered if he'd gone blind. 

Memory returned, sluggish fits and starts like a movie of a nightmare that was missing sections of the film. Swiss Headquarters. He and Genji had been on their way to the hangar for yet another bullshit mission that was going to land Blackwatch even deeper in the shithole, on Reyes' orders. There'd been an explosion, ten times the force of the one Jesse and Reyes had been caught in at the edge of at the Rome Blackwatch base. The blast must have thrown him away from Genji. 

"M'here," he ground out, breathing shallow to try to keep as much dust out of his lungs as he could. He was lying flat on his back on a hard surface, rubble digging into his spine. When he tried to roll over, he was rewarded with a spike of agony in his left arm that nearly caused him to black out again. He had to rest a moment before he could try a second time to answer. “Arm's pinned beneath somethin', I can't move."

"Hang on. I'm coming to you."

There was the sound of shifting rubble and dragging stone, accompanied by an alarming crack from the debris around him. "Careful, I don't think it's very stable."

"I know." A clatter of rocks tumbling over each other preceded a hellish red glow that lit the little pocket Jesse was trapped in. Genji hauled himself through a narrow opening, the light coming from the miniature fusion cell that powered his cyborg body. 

That body was badly dented and scratched, and it looked like he was dragging one leg behind him, the knee joint damaged. The mask that always covered his face was broken, half of it missing entirely, revealing his features for the first time Jesse had ever seen.

His lower jaw was metal to match his throat, but the rest of it wasn't as badly burned or scarred as Jesse had expected. Oh, there were marks, but overall he was no worse than, say, Reyes. In fact, beneath the scars was a face damn near pretty enough to be on a movie star. 

"Why d'you hide?" Jesse murmured, confused. "Those scars ain't no worse than half a dozen people we know, and certainly no worse than the rest of you. You're gorgeous."

"And you're in shock," Genji retorted wryly, crawling over to Jesse's side. "Possibly concussed as well. Hold still, I'm going to check you for injuries."

He ran gentle fingers down Jesse's body, starting at the head and careful not to jostle his spine in the process. Jesse kept his body motionless, knowing it was important, that there might be serious injuries he couldn't feel through the general agony. 

Genji was breathing as hard as if he'd run a marathon, chest heaving and occasionally letting out a strangled cough. Belatedly, it occurred to Jesse that there might be a more drastic reason than vanity why Genji always covered his mouth and nose. 

"Hey, you gonna be okay?" he asked, reaching up with his right hand to touch the curve of Genji's cheek. "You sound like a horse that's blown its wind."

"From gorgeous to a horse comparison in thirty seconds," Genji replied with dark humour. "Make up your mind. I don't see anything major, but your left arm isn't just pinned, that slab has definitely done _some_ damage. If I shift it and there's a serious injury beneath, you could bleed out."

Jesse noted that Genji had dodged the question of his own wellbeing, but the issue of Jesse's arm was important enough that he let it slide for the moment. Steeling himself for the worst, Jesse turned his head to get a look. 

A heavy slab of reinforced concrete had landed at an angle, crushing his arm beneath it. And 'crushed' was the right word. It wasn't a question of 'if' there was serious damage, but whether the arm was savable at all. 

"Son of a bitch." Jesse tried not to sound as frightened as he felt. "Well, I guess I ain't goin' nowhere soon. You need to get out of here."

"It's not stable," Genji argued. "If I try to dig my way out, I could bring the whole thing down on you."

"There'll be rescuers pouring in," Jesse countered. "You can get help and direct 'em to me."

"That assumes I'll find a way out anywhere near here." Genji shook his head, a mulish look on his face. It was so strange to be able to see more than his eyes; Jesse hadn't realized how expressive the man was. "I might get disoriented, lose track of your location. Besides, you're going into shock. You need to be kept warm, and awake."

Genji might be determined, but Jesse was pretty damn stubborn himself. "I'm touched you're suddenly all concerned for my welfare, but I..."

" _Jesse_." Genji interrupted him, his tone sharp. "I'm _not leaving you_. Period."

He wasn't going to budge. And, if Jesse was being honest, a large part of him wanted to cry in relief. He absolutely did not want to be left alone down here in the endless dark, knowing he could well die long before any rescuers made it to him.

Unspoken was the fact that they might have already lost one member of their team, the most important person in their dysfunctional little family. Reyes had been deep inside the building, probably still in his office where they'd left him. The force of the blast had come from that direction, and if it had been strong enough to collapse the hangar too, there probably wasn't much left of the main building. Reyes was almost certainly dead.

Unless he wasn't, and that was a far worse possibility. There was a tiny, niggling doubt in Jesse that had been growing slowly over the last year. Their commander had been increasingly erratic in his behaviour, making decisions that exposed Blackwatch and dug them - and Overwatch along with them - deeper and deeper into the hole. He'd been expressing first discontent, and then outright bitterness toward Overwatch, and Jack Morrison in particular. The mess that had started with the Venice mission had exploded exponentially in the time since. 

And Jesse happened to know that Reyes had requisitioned a large amount of explosives from the Overwatch supplies the night before. Jesse had gone down to replenish his ammo stock, and seen the entry above his in the log. The name and ID number were wrong, but Jesse knew his commander's handwriting when he saw it. 

That in itself wasn't necessarily suspicious; Blackwatch operations often happened with a falsified paper trail to cover Overwatch’s ass when large amounts of supplies were requisitioned from their parent organization. But the mission briefing this morning gave no indication that explosives would be needed.

In the demonic red glow of Genji's eyes, Jesse saw the same suspicion. Neither of them wanted to believe that Reyes, the man who had given them each an impossible second chance, could be responsible for destroying everything both of them held dear. But it _had_ to have been an inside job, no outsider could have smuggled that much explosive through the tight security of Overwatch headquarters.

As badly as the possibility hurt Jesse, it must be a hundred times worse for Genji. The ninja had already suffered one devastating betrayal by someone who should have been looking out for him, when his brother Hanzo came within an inch of killing him. Jesse didn't know the whole story, because Genji never spoke of his past, but he didn't need all the details to know how hard this blow had to be striking. 

He shivered violently in rejection of the whole idea. Then he shivered again, and realized it wasn't only an emotional reaction. His jaw was clenched to keep his teeth from chattering, and he could feel goosebumps rising all over his body. "Did it get cold in here, or is it just me?"

"Your shock is getting worse." Never one to sugarcoat a bitter pill, Genji sounded grim as he made the pronouncement. Carefully lifting Jesse's head and shoulders, he rearranged the cape of Jesse's uniform into a sort of pillow, cushioning the hard ground beneath Jesse’s head. Then he slid in beside Jesse, snuggling in close and wrapping his metal arm over Jesse's waist.

Talk about _shock_. If Jesse had been standing, his jaw would have been on the ground. "Really? Y'pick _now_ to decide you're finally willing to cuddle?"

In the red light it was impossible to tell if Genji might be blushing, but there was definitely embarrassment in his voice. "I'm trying to keep you warm, idiot."

"Honestly, didn't think you even liked me enough to unbend this much," Jesse teased him, shifting so his arm was around Genji's shoulders. The metal was hard, but surprisingly warm, and where he could touch Genji's scarred flesh it felt almost feverish. The cyborg always ran hot, and Jesse had never been more grateful for it.

"Then you haven't been paying enough attention," Genji retorted, his tone sharp. " _Ahou_. Shut up and let me save your life."

Jesse wasn't sure exactly what he hadn't been paying attention to. Oh, Genji was willing enough to touch him, under certain very specific circumstances. In fact, they'd fucked many times over the years. 

Or rather, bizarrely, Genji would get Jesse off, either with his hand or letting Jesse grind against him, but taking nothing for himself. Hell, they hadn’t even kissed, and there was certainly no relationship accompanying the sex. Genji had made it clear from the start that it was physical gratification _only_ , and never to be mentioned at any other time.

In the beginning, Jesse had hoped it would lead to something more between them. Eventually, he'd accepted that it really was nothing but scratching an itch, and never mind that Genji wasn't getting any scratching. Jesse sort of assumed Genji wasn't physically capable, but still felt enough emotional need for _some_ human contact to keep him coming back to Jesse.

Maybe Jesse shouldn't have let it continue. He certainly lectured himself often enough about dredging up some self respect and demanding Genji stop using him. But the truth was, he craved the man's touch and was willing to take whatever Genji would give. If that made Jesse pathetic, so be it. 

There certainly had been no indication Jesse had ever seen that Genji _liked_ him. Quite the opposite. Except for missions and the times when he'd corner Jesse for sex, he tended to actively avoid Jesse's company.

Above and around them, the debris continued to creak and groan alarmingly. In the distance, a muffled crash sounded, and Jesse winced as a high-pitch scream followed, then choked off into nothing. Another wave of disturbed dust washed over them a moment later, which at least meant they _had_ airflow, but made both of them start coughing again.

Turning his head, Jesse breathed through the fabric of his sleeve to help filter out the worst of it. Genji likewise buried his face in Jesse's shoulder, but his coughing was still much worse. His breath rattled between spasms, desperate gasping wheezes like he couldn't suck air in fast enough to support the force of the coughs. 

Concerned, Jesse moved to rub the other man's back, then grimaced as his hand met unyielding metal. "Shit, you gonna be okay?"

Dim light and swirling dust or not, the finger Genji flipped him off with was perfectly clear. Jesse chuckled, even as worry dug deeper into his heart. Finally the coughing eased, but Genji was panting like there wasn't enough air in the space.

The fear Jesse had been struggling to hold at bay since he'd opened his eyes burst into full bloom, threatening to grow into outright panic. There was a very good chance the two of them were going to die here. Rescue efforts would be concentrated at the main building first, and might not make it as far as the hangar for some time. By then, shock could have taken its toll, and Genji clearly wasn't going to last hours in this grit-filled air.

Another shift in the debris happened somewhere much closer, a rumble as rubble gave way, and Jesse swore he could feel the slab pinning his arm tremble in response. Their 'ceiling' groaned again, and this time the dust that hit them was sifting down from above.

"Genji, you gotta get outta here," Jesse pleaded. "It's the only chance either of us has."

" _No_."

His tone brooked no argument, but Jesse wasn't going to let it drop this time. "If you go then you'll probably survive, and maybe get help to me in time. If you stay, we both die here! What the hell's the point of that?"

"The point is that I won't be able to live with myself if I leave and you die!" Genji lifted his head to glare down at Jesse. The scowl was much more fearsome when Jesse could see the full impact of it instead of just his eyes. "I will not abandon you and dishonour myself!"

"Fuck me riding sideways, you're a stubborn bastard." If Genji was pulling the 'dishonour' card, there really would be no convincing him. "Fine, then we're both goin'. I'd rather die tryin' than lie here and wait for the end."

Genji hesitated, but Jesse could see the same need to being _doing_ something in the other man's eyes. Neither of them were the type to sit around and wait to be rescued. "Even if I put a tourniquet on your arm, if the crush damage is bad enough, you'll bleed out before we get ten feet."

"Guess I'll have to take my chances. Use my belt for the tourniquet." This was going to hurt like a motherfucker, but Jesse could take it. He had to, if it was the only way to convince Genji to go.

"There is one other possibility." Genji was subdued, his gaze locked on Jesse's arm, refusing to meet his eyes. "If I use the dragonblade, I can make a clean cut and cauterize the wound. But there will be no chance of saving the arm, no matter how quickly we reach help."

Sacrifice the arm for a better chance to survive, or take the risk and hope his arm could be saved _if_ he made it out at all. Not much choice there - but Jesse still had to force the words through a throat that didn't want to let them out. "Cut it. I'll get a nice shiny one like yours."

Nodding as if it was the choice he'd expected, Genji sat up and reached for the blade still slung across his back. Jesse wrapped his hand around Genji's left arm, holding him close for another moment. Genji arched an eyebrow at him, and Jesse gave him a shaky smile. "How 'bout a kiss for luck, first?"

It was amazingly easy to read Genji's expressions without the mask. Perhaps he was so used to having his face hidden, he was no longer was in the habit of trying to stifle them. There was no doubt he was tempted to make one of his usual snarky, scathing remarks, designed to slap Jesse down and remind him that there was nothing emotional or truly intimate between them. 

But the temptation passed, and instead Genji sighed and muttered, "You _would_ take advantage of a life or death situation to push the boundaries." Hooking his finger over the jagged remnants of his mask, he pulled it off completely and leaned down.

Jesse met him halfway, eager for the forbidden taste of this man who'd been his lover for years, but never allowed to touch back. The contrast of hard metal lower lip with soft flesh upper was fascinating, and Genji tasted faintly of an intriguing combination of metal and mint. 

His tongue was one hundred percent human, and it was _very_ clear this was far from Genji's first kiss. He licked and nipped at Jesse's mouth, tongue plunging deep to seek out sensitive spots, flicking against the roof of his mouth and then duelling with Jesse's. Groaning, Jesse slipped a hand up to fist in the cables that trailed from Genji's headpiece, holding him in place.

Not that Genji was trying to get away. Far from it, he was devouring Jesse's mouth like a starving man presented with a banquet, flesh hand clutched tight in Jesse's shirt like _he_ was trying to make sure nothing could pull them apart. It was hot and desperate and needy, all the passion Genji had refused to show for years packed into one intense kiss.

They'd shifted so Genji was crouched over him, braced on right hand and left knee, his damaged right leg wedged between Jesse's thighs. The solid metal ground against Jesse's dick, which was struggling to rise despite the pain he was in. His hips rocked up, driving his length against Genji's leg, rutting like a damn horny teenager having sex for the first time.

Part of his mind poked at him repeatedly, reminding him that this was _not the time_ , but he told it quite firmly to go to hell. This was the closest Genji had ever let him come to genuine intimacy between them, and right that moment, it felt worth risking death for. Even better, _Genji_ was reacting for the first time, showing real desire as his tongue darted against Jesse's.

Fumbling with Jesse's belt, Genji growled when the buckle stuck. He yanked it free, then thrust his left hand inside, curling callused fingers around Jesse's cock. The familiar, practiced touch was enough to get Jesse all the way hard, rock solid and aching. 

Shuddering, Jesse rutted up into his grip, panting against Genji's mouth. "God, babe, don't stop," he pleaded, clutching at Genji's shoulder. Adrenaline and endorphins were rapidly overcoming the pain, leaving him reeling with the mixture of agony and ecstasy. "Fuck, I wish you’d let me do this for you. I wanna make you feel so damn good."

"You do," Genji replied, broken and breathless. Yet another rule flown out the window - Genji never spoke while he did this, except to growl commands at Jesse. "You always have. Come for me. Let me feel it rush through you."

With Genji's firm, fast strokes, Jesse was flying toward the peak in minutes, then blasting past it in an orgasm that smashed him damn near as hard as the bomb had.

He emptied himself into Genji's tight grip, shuddering with the force of it. Yet it was Genji who cried out, a guttural sound like it had been wrenched out of him. "Jesse!"

Panting, Jesse slumped back against the hard stone. "Goddamn, darlin'. This was completely insane, even for us." They'd had sex in some unbelievable places and under intense conditions, but this one took the cake.

"Worth it." Genji was hoarse, and the breathy quality of his tone had increased to the point that he was barely understandable. Alarmed, Jesse remembered that desire might not have much to do with that lack of breath.

"Hey now, don't you go passin' out on me," he protested, cupping his hand against Genji's cheek. "I know I'm good in bed and all, but this ain't the time to be fallin' asleep. We gotta get outta here."

With a grunt, Genji shook his head, and appeared to recover somewhat. "I'm okay," he replied, still hoarse but firmer. "Since we don't have anesthetic or booze, I figured I should at least give you a bit of a high first." 

Pulling back, he tucked Jesse’s cock back in and did up the fly, then worked the belt free of the loops. Jesse had to lift his shoulder so Genji could slide the end of the belt around his upper arm, and it was agony.

Gritting his teeth, Jesse closed his eyes and tried to focus on the last dregs of pleasure instead of what was coming. As the tourniquet tightened, trapping blood in his damaged arm, the pain increased dramatically. He couldn't hold back a hiss when Genji wrenched it tight as it could go, and knotted the leather in place.

The soft sound of metal scraping against metal when Genji drew his sword was familiar from dozens of missions and hundreds of sparring sessions. Jesse couldn't pretend it was something else even if he wanted to. Piercing light flared, bright enough that Jesse could see it clearly despite his closed eyes, and he tensed involuntarily.

To his surprise, the next thing he felt wasn't the bite of the blade, but rather the brush of Genji's lips against his once more. When Genji's mouth withdrew, tough leather replaced it, and Jesse recognized the end of his belt. He clenched his teeth on it, biting down hard enough to leave marks.

 _Then_ he learned the real meaning of agony.

Jesse didn't try to hold back his scream. There was no macho-ing his way out of this, and Genji wouldn’t think less of him. His eyes flew open despite his determination not to look, and he stared in shock at the place where his left arm now ended just above what should have been his elbow.

Dizziness swept over him, a sort of stunned disbelief and rejection of reality. Instinctively he tried to flex his left hand, and grunted when the move made the seared flesh shift. There was no blood; the energy of the dragonblade had instantly cauterized both what remained of his arm and the stump left behind, but he had to be careful or he'd break the wound open again.

"Easy," Genji murmured, sliding his sword away and slipping his left arm beneath Jesse's shoulders. He helped Jesse to sit up, bracing him against the vertigo. "Breathe, Jesse. Just keep breathing. The worst is over."

"Hell, look at me, bein' a little baby," Jesse muttered, distracting himself with gallows humour as best he could. "Missin' half an arm and falling apart. Meanwhile you're missing a whole damn body and you do just fine."

"I wasn't doing 'just fine' immediately after losing the limbs," Genji pointed out dryly. "Trust me, I fell apart plenty. Ask Mercy, if you don't believe me." Somehow he got Jesse up into a kneeling position, then had to let go so he could take the lead. 

The ninja started out by returning the way he'd come in, wiggling through a narrow crack and helping Jesse through after him. From there they twisted their way through a tumble of fallen pipes, then had to start digging. Crawling with only one arm turned out to be rather difficult, never mind doing so while suffering major shock and blood loss.

An eon passed, Jesse's world narrowing to each next step, each next second, each next breath. When they finally broke through into the light and fresh air, the change was so startling he stared for several moments, not understanding what was happening.

" _Mercy_!" Genji's voice cracked in the middle of the shout, and he broke down coughing. It must have gotten the job done, because Jesse heard Angela Ziegler's dismayed cry in the distance, followed by the familiar chime of the Valkyrie suit's wings extending.

She landed beside them a moment later, and Jesse had finally gotten his head together enough to understand what was happening. "Genji first," Jesse croaked when the doctor aimed her Caduceus Staff at Jesse’s missing arm. "He's barely breathin'."

Angela did a double take, eyes wide as she saw Genji was missing his mask. Cursing in German, she turned the Staff on Genji instead. With her other hand, she fumbled a capped needle out of her pocket, and twisted the tip off with a practiced flick of her thumb. "Neck," she demanded, gesturing at Jesse.

Tipping his head to one side to give her better access, Jesse held still while she jabbed him with the needle. It seemed grossly unfair that among all his other grievous injuries, that one little stab still stung like a bitch. "Thanks, doc. I can... make it to the... infirmary area..."

His words were slurring, Jesse realized at about the same time he discovered that the world had gone black. Because he'd closed his eyes, he figured out a moment later. He'd assumed that Angela had given him an antibiotic or painkiller, but apparently it had been a straight-up sedative. Which probably made sense, all things considered... but he'd wanted to be sure that Genji was all right, before he hit the hay for god knew how long.

Too late to protest now. The world fell away in a spinning haze, leaving him floating once again in the sweet, silent darkness of sleep.

* * *

"Jesse."

Groaning, Jesse tried to block out the sound of someone calling his name. A strong sense of deja vu hit him hard. Hadn't he done this already? Except this voice was light and feminine, and she was using a harsh whisper, not a panicked shout. The accent was different too, German instead of Japanese. 

"Jesse, you _must_ wake. Quickly!"

It was never a good idea to argue with Mercy when she used that tone. With great effort, Jesse forced his eyes open, looking around blearily to find himself on a cot in some kind of makeshift hospital room. "The hell, Angie? You're the one that knocked me out in the first place. Where’s the fire at?"

The overall aches and pains in his body had faded, and his head felt clearer by the moment. The fiery agony of his left arm had been reduced to a dull ache, and when he reluctantly glanced down, he saw that the stump had been well healed. Angela's biotech was truly just this side of a miracle. Too bad an actual miracle would be required to give him the arm back. 

But that was a choice he'd made, and he didn't regret it. Not when the decision had saved not only his life, but likely Genji's as well.

Genji. Alarmed to find himself alone in the tiny room with Angela, Jesse pushed himself awkwardly to a sitting position. Her expression was grim, darker than anything he'd ever seen from her before, and he was terrified she was about to tell him that Genji hadn't made it.

"The United Nations is shutting down Overwatch," she said instead. The words were so far from what Jesse was expecting, he could only stare and try to make sense of it as she continued. "The bombing was the last straw. They're looking for a scapegoat, and it's likely to be Blackwatch. Your team, specifically. You were the ones plastered all over the news."

And if Reyes _had_ been involved in the bombing, that was going to come out sooner or later. Of course suspicion would then fall heavily on the rest of the Commander's personal, elite squad. A chill ran down Jesse's spine. "Damn it, I was only following orders. I can't go back to jail. I _won't_."

"I know." She put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. "That's why I'm waking you. Right now everything is in chaos with the rescue operation, but UN officials are already sniffing around. It won't be long until I can't misdirect them any further without getting myself arrested as well. There's a car waiting for you out back, and enough money to keep you going for a while. Torbjorn is already working on an arm for you - as soon as it’s ready I'll meet you at his home to get it hooked up, and help you decide where to go from there."

So this was it; he'd come full circle. Jesse had begun his adult life an outlaw, on the run from the authorities. He'd had one brief, horrifying taste of what prison life would be like, before Gabriel Reyes came blasting in like a warrior angel, offering him a chance to change his ways and use his ill-gotten skills for the good of the world. 

Now Reyes had turned out to be a rat bastard, and Jesse was on the run again. 

Perhaps reading the despair in his expression, Angela squeezed his shoulder again. "At least you have plenty of friends and resources. We won't let them use you as a whipping boy, Jesse. We’ll get it sorted out eventually."

Yeah, he wasn't holding his breath for that. If the entire world was on the warpath against all of Overwatch, the fate of one former criminal agent wasn't going to matter much to anybody in a position of power, except for his value in a witch hunt. 

He let her help him get dressed, too numb to be embarrassed at needing the assistance. There was so much he couldn't do one-handed, from buckling his gunbelt to tying his boots. Jesse hoped Torb would have that arm ready sooner rather than later, because this was gonna drive him crazy. "What about Genji, he mobile? I ain't leavin' him behind." 

"Genji fled as soon as his leg and oxygen system were repaired," she told him. Jesse froze, staring at her, but she'd turned away and didn't notice. "He predicted what was about to happen, and he was right. He warned me to get you moving as quickly as possible, but we _had_ to finish the healing first."

"He's... gone?" This was one too many shocks in too short a period of time, damn it. Actually he'd passed 'one too many' the moment the bomb blew, but the shit just kept piling on. 

"He asked me to give you this." Angela passed a tiny square envelope to him, with his name written across the front in a hasty scrawl he recognized as Genji's. After a puzzled moment, Jesse realized the 'envelope' was actually a small piece of paper, folded up in that fancy way he’d seen Genji do when bored. 

Gone. After all that bullshit while they were trapped, refusing to leave Jesse behind and apparently willing to die with him, Genji had in fact taken off the moment he was able to. Leaving behind, what, an apology note? A goddamn Dear John letter? 'Hope you're okay, get the hell out of Dodge, glad we got one last fuck'?

Shit, this was _exactly_ what the ninja always did, any time he started to show too much emotion or attachment where Jesse was concerned. He'd back off, go cold and distant, and it'd be months before whatever the hell drove him back to Jesse again. 

Usually Jesse expected it, was able to brace himself for it, but this time caught him flat-footed. Between the near-death and the mutual pain of betrayal, he'd thought Genji was finally willing to admit that there was something important between them.

Aw, what the hell had he expected, a declaration of undying love? They'd gotten carried away, had ridiculously inappropriate and incredibly hot sex, and now Genji had smartened up and was saving his own ass. Jesse should count himself lucky the man stuck around long enough to make sure Jesse would be warned to run, too. 

Clenching his fist around the folded paper, Jesse wobbled his way toward the door. He'd follow Genji's example and get the fuck out of here before all hell descended on him. The letter would go into the first trash can he saw, unread. 

No, damn it, the UN would probably go poking through everything looking for evidence of god knew what, and Jesse didn't want his private embarrassment laid out for a bunch of strangers. He'd hold onto it for now. Maybe pin it to a board and use it for target practice.

And he would by god force himself to get over Genji, once and for all. Whatever Jesse had believed was between them, whatever had driven him to cling to hope all these years, was clearly not enough to make Genji willing to stay with him. It was over.


	2. Chapter 2

Being back at a Watchpoint after so many years away was a very strange experience for Jesse. It was surreal to stroll through the echoing halls of the base, empty of people for the first time he'd ever seen it. His team had only landed at Gibraltar a handful of times, but all the Watchpoints were more or less the same, so it felt familiar and alien all at once.

He'd answered the Recall half expecting to be turned away, and still couldn't quite believe that they'd welcomed him with open arms. How could they trust him, after his Blackwatch team had - possibly with deliberate intent from their commander - destroyed Overwatch? If he were them, Jesse sure as hell wouldn't trust himself.

But maybe that came down to the basic difference between Overwatch and Blackwatch. Tracer and Winston were good people, truly good at heart in an idealistic way that Jesse would never understand. They had a _belief_ in the inherent goodness of humanity that Jesse just didn't share.

So here Jesse was, roaming the halls like he had a right to be there, trying to convince himself that returning had been the right move. Hell, trying to convince himself that he'd come for _any_ reason other than the real one - the hope that Genji would answer the Recall, too.

Seven goddamn years and Jesse had never truly gotten over the bastard. Not a peep from him in all that time, not so much as a postcard to let Jesse know Genji was alive. Granted, Jesse had been laying low and staying on the move, dodging the massive bounty on his head, but Genji surely would have been able to find him. If he'd _wanted_ to.

Now here they were, back in the same place once more. Jesse hadn’t yet encountered his old teammate, but it was only a matter of time. He’d been rehearsing what he wanted to say for hours since he'd landed and found out Genji was already here. 

It probably sounded a lot better in his head than it would out loud, assuming it didn't fly right out of his mind the moment they came face to face, but at least it gave him something to think about. Something other than how much his damn hormones wanted him to forgive and forget, and pick right back up where they'd left off.

He _wouldn't_ let it happen again, damn it. No matter how good Genji's hand on him felt, he wasn't going to let the ninja restart this fucked up dance between them.

Lost in his thoughts, Jesse turned the corner and nearly ran head-first into a wall of metal. With a startled curse he jumped back, and was even more surprised when the wall moved out of the way as well. Belatedly he realized it was a person... no, an Omnic of some kind he’d never seen before. Tracer had mentioned something about an Omnic coming along with Genji, hadn't she? This must be the one. 

"Sorry, didn't see you there," he apologized, abashed. "Too busy gatherin' wool."

The Omnic cocked its - his? - head, staring silently at Jesse for a long moment. Well, looking in his direction, anyway. Could Omnics stare, when their vision was really some kind of camera? Jesse hadn't dealt with many of them on a personal level, wasn't sure what the protocols were. He figured it was probably most polite to treat it like any other person, but the robot wasn't making it easy on him.

"Uh," Jesse tried again, nervous. "I'll just mosey on and let you be on your way then, yeah?"

The Omnic made a soft huffing sound, maybe a laugh, maybe just a noise. "Good to see you again, too." The irony in his tone was sharp enough to cut.

And more familiar than Jesse had expected. He'd know that voice anywhere, with its strange metallic overtones but human inflection, the Japanese accent that blurred certain sounds and sharpened others. He gaped, flatfooted. " _Genji_?"

"McCree." Lifting a hand, Genji flipped the front part of his visor up, revealing his eyes. They were exactly as Jesse remembered them, dark irises glowing faintly red at the back like a demonic cat's, scarred tissue around them pulling at the edges. The rest of him was covered head to toe in armour, which now that Jesse was looking closer, _did_ resemble the cybernetic shell Genji had always had, but without any skin showing and glowing green instead of red. 

"The hell... did you lose the other arm?" Jesse demanded, horrified. "I thought you were a damn robot. Are you okay?"

Genji blinked as if startled, then chuckled again, definitely a laugh this time. "I'm no more damaged than I was before. It's _very_ cold in Nepal. I asked Torbjorn to make me a fully covered suit years ago."

Jesse honestly didn't know what part shocked him more - that Genji had spent years in Nepal, of all places, or that Genji had _laughed_. Had he ever heard the cyborg laugh before? He sounded amused sometimes when he spoke, especially if he was teasing someone, but he'd never laughed outright that Jesse could recall.

There was no way to comment on the chuckle without sounding like an idiot, so Jesse went in the other direction. "What in god's name have you been doin' in Nepal?"

"Studying with the Shambali." Genji shrugged, as if people hung out with the reclusive Omnic monks every day. "They were kind enough to take me in. Master Zenyatta first encountered me when I was lost, wandering the world with no purpose and no place, and eventually convinced me to return with him. I've learned a great deal from them."

That was more words strung together than Jesse could ever remember hearing from Genji at once. His voice was light, almost playful, nothing like the brooding and angry way he'd always sounded before. This whole conversation just got stranger and stranger. Jesse shook his head. "Never woulda thought. I'm glad you're doin' well and all. You seem..." 

He fished for a good word, couldn't find one. 'Happier' seemed too frivolous. 'Calmer' made it sound like the man had been a raging lunatic before. 

"At peace," Genji finished for him. It was as good a description as any. "I've finally learned to accept myself, instead of spending every day hating who and what I am. I am whole."

Jesse had known Genji resented being a cyborg, lived in pain every day, but hadn't realized he'd been as down on himself as all _that_. This sounded pretty serious. Genji had been so stubborn in his refusal to open up in any way, to let Jesse see any cracks in his emotional armour, there was no way Jesse could have known that his teammate - and lover - was in as much mental pain as well as physical. 

Still, he felt guilty for not seeing it. "Sounds like they done right by you. I'll have to thank this master of yours when I meet him. I assume he's the one that came with you?"

Genji nodded. "You'll run into him sooner or later. He likes to poke his nose into everyone else's business - which is impressive, considering he doesn't have a nose."

That was pretty much the end of that conversational track, and they were left standing there, staring at each other awkwardly. Everything Jesse had planned to say seemed petty and childish now. Still, he couldn't let it go entirely. "You couldn't have contacted me to let me know you got away okay?"

Genji's eyes tightened, narrowing as he scowled. That fast, his usual bad mood was back in full force. "You made it pretty clear you weren't interested in seeing me again."

Baffled, Jesse tipped his hat back to get a better look at the cyborg. "When the hell did I say that? You're the one that took off on me!"

The scornful look turned to a frown. "Angela said she gave you my note."

Jesse resisted the urge to spit on the ground as an answer to that. "Sure she did. Never read it."

"What?" The frown shifted to an expression of baffled dismay. " _Why_?"

"You coulda at least had the guts to tell me to my face it was over," Jesse snarled at him. He'd meant to stay calm, be reasonable, but it turned out he was still carrying a lot more buried hurt over this than he'd realized. "Not left some damn apology note or Dear John letter or what the hell ever."

"You thought that I..." Genji trailed off, staring. He drew in a long, careful breath, then let it out, like he was meditating or something. When he spoke again his voice was rigidly measured, emotions held tight to the chest. "I suppose I deserved that. I certainly treated you badly enough over our years together. Karma's a bitch."

"Karma?" It was Jesse's turn to frown. Something was very off, here. This was not how he'd expected this to throw down. "The hell are you talking about?"

"It doesn't matter." Genji was still being too perfectly neutral, his calm entirely artificial. "The past is over. Trying to live in it means you miss out on the present, and might lose your future entirely. I learned that the hard way."

"You're not making any sense." Jesse glared at him, a gnawing sensation growing in the pit of his stomach. Clearly, he'd misunderstood what was in the damn note somehow. But then, what the hell _was_ it? "Genji..."

"I can't do this right now." Genji's voice _broke_ , yet another thing Jesse would have sworn he'd never witness. "I'm sorry, McCree. We'll catch up later. It _is_ good to see you well."

"Don't you dare disappear on me, you damn... ninja!" Jesse shouted the last word at empty air. It never ceased to amaze him how Genji could vanish so quickly - blink, and you missed him. They were in a straight, empty hallway with no open doors or corners, there shouldn't have been anywhere the man could _go_.

Jesse hissed through his teeth, emotions roiling in a combination of anger, frustration, and a terrible sinking despair. He'd obviously fucked _something_ up, and he had an awful, niggling suspicion of what.

Pulling his hat off, he stuck the tip of his finger beneath the band that ringed the inside, fishing around. He never had thrown the damn note away, couldn't bring himself to deliberately destroy the final piece of his life in Blackwatch. One tiny shred of evidence that he and Genji had once had _something_ between them.

It had been years since he'd last dug it out to brood over it. The paper was water-stained from sweat and rain, the ink of his name smeared and illegible. With shaking hands, Jesse fumbled with the edges, untucking the flaps so he could smooth it out. 

The writing inside had run badly. He couldn't read it, but he could make out enough to tell it had been a string of numbers.

Coordinates.

"Sonuvabitch." That wasn't nearly strong enough to express the depth of Jesse's feelings, so he repeated it with more emphasis. "Son of a _bitch_!" He kicked the wall, then did it again harder, not caring that it made his foot ache. He deserved a hell of a lot worse.

Genji hadn't abandoned him. He had done exactly what they’d been trained to do given the possibility of a disabled agent being captured: gotten himself out and secure, so that he’d be free to mount a rescue if Jesse was caught. He’d left clear, explicit instructions for where they should meet up once they were both out of danger. 

_Jesse_ had abandoned _Genji_.

In his petulant, sulking fit of pride, Jesse had turned his back on the one person who had _never_ turned on him first. He'd destroyed the very thing he'd been so pissed off about losing. 

God, what Genji must have thought when Jesse didn't show up. The man had opened up to him for the first time, showed genuine emotion and admitted that what they had together _was_ important, only to have Jesse apparently spit in his face.

Small wonder Genji said that Jesse had made it clear he didn't want to see the ninja again. Fuck, he'd screwed this up so bad.

"Athena," he ground out, crushing the note in his fist. "Where's Genji now?"

"Agent Shimada has asked for privacy."

"So help me..." Copying the move Genji had made earlier, Jesse drew a deep breath, then let it out again slowly. Athena was basically a person, right? Could he appeal to her better nature? He managed to sound calmer on the second attempt. "Athena, I fucked up, and I gotta make this right. Please, I'm beggin' you, tell me where Genji is." 

"I'm sorry, Agent McCree." Damn if she didn't actually manage to sound apologetic. "Barring a medical emergency or command override, I cannot reveal the location of an agent who has requested privacy." Jesse kicked the wall one more time for good measure, but to his surprise, she kept going. "I suspect if you consider the matter carefully, you won't need my help, regardless."

Well, that was a hint the size of a barn if he ever heard one. Now he just had to figure out what it meant. 

It was true that Jesse knew Genji better than anyone, except maybe Mercy. Where did the ninja go when he was upset? Hard to say, because Genji so rarely allowed himself to show any kind of vulnerability...

No, that wasn't true. Never mind 'upset'. When Genji wanted to be alone and undisturbed, for whatever reason, he would always head for the high ground. Where high ground was literally defined as the highest possible place nearby, whether or not it was meant to be accessible by humans. The ninja's insane ability to climb straight up sheer walls meant he could get himself just about anywhere.

Which, actually, might explain what the hell Genji had been doing in Nepal in the first place. Could it really be a coincidence that after losing everything a second time, he'd wound up in the highest mountains in the world?

"Athena, what's the highest spot in this Watchpoint?" 

"Not counting the mountain itself, the highest location is the top of the shuttle gantry." She sounded as proud as if he was a student who'd given the correct answer. Probably that meant Genji was on the gantry, not somewhere random on the mountain.

"Thanks, Athena. You're a doll." Jesse tipped his hat at the ceiling, which was always where he pictured Athena being. Watching from up on high like a minor god or something.

Now came the fun part - getting up there. Good thing Jesse wasn't afraid of heights.

The gantry had an elevator that went up as far as the crosswalk leading into the shuttle itself. From there it was rickety service ladders, the rungs of which had started to rust out after seven years of neglect. Scared of heights or not, Jesse was sweating pretty hard by the time he neared the top.

Knowing Genji would hear the rattling of the ladder, Jesse shouted ahead, "If you run off and leave me climbin' this damn thing for nothin', I will tan your hide when I finally catch up to you, see if I don't."

There was a rustle above, and the ladder stopped shuddering beneath him with each step. Looking up, Jesse saw Genji leaning over the edge, gripping the sides of the ladder to steady it. He had his full facemask on again, making it impossible to read his expression, but his voice was wry when he spoke. "If I'd left, how could you be sure I was ever here in the first place?"

"Guess I wouldn't have," Jesse acknowledged with dark smile as he climbed up onto the flat top. This high up, the wind was strong, making the slender structure sway gently from side to side. He had to clamp his hat down on his head to keep it from blowing off. "How come you didn't skedaddle, then?"

Genji backed off, feet spread to brace against the swaying and the wind, arms crossed over his chest. That damn mask didn't give anything away, and the green glow of his visor seemed baleful. "I can't run forever, unless I leave entirely, which I'm not going to do. I only wanted a chance to collect myself."

"How long did you wait?" Jesse was almost afraid of the answer, but he had to know.

Genji cocked his head. "Until you got here." He said it like he was concerned for Jesse's intelligence. Or maybe sanity. 

Sighing, Jesse clarified. "Back then. How long did you wait, 'til you realized I wasn't coming."

There was a weird thing Genji could do, where he went completely, inhumanly still. It was part of what let him blend into shadows so effectively, and now, with his body fully covered in armour, it turned him into a very convincing statue. He stayed that way for a long moment, before finally letting out a shuddering breath. 

"A week. Then I thought you must have been captured after all, so I contacted Angela to see if I could organize some kind of breakout."

A week. Damn. And that from Genji, who freely admitted he had the least patience of anyone on their notoriously impulsive team. "And Mercy told you I'd left safely, already got my arm from Torbjorn, and disappeared. Fuck."

But Genji wasn't done. He continued in a dogged tone, his voice too perfectly level. "After that I checked in every week for a month, to see if you'd left a message. Then every month for six months." Jesse winced, then grimaced in horror when Genji _still_ wasn't finished. "At that point I knew it was hopeless, but I kept drifting by once a year. A form of self-punishment, maybe."

"How long?" Jesse asked yet again, the question a hoarse whisper this time.

"Four years." Turning, Genji strode the short distance to the very edge of the gantry, where he stood looking out over the ocean with no fear of the impossibly high drop. "That’s when I agreed to go with Master Zenyatta to Nepal, and learned to stop living in the regret and resentment of the past."

Jesse stayed by the ladder, as much because it was physically painful to be near Genji as because he was worried about falling. "Shit, Genji. I'm so sorry. I swear, I didn't know."

"I believe you," Genji assured him, though he didn't turn. "You wouldn't lie about it. Lying to make things easier on yourself isn't one of your flaws. How did you figure it out?"

Without a word, Jesse pulled his hat off and fished the note out once more. He'd folded the crumpled slip in half a couple times, not trying to redo Genji's elaborate creation, but it was recognizable as the same paper.

Glancing back when Jesse didn't answer, Genji saw the note in Jesse's hand and did his statue impression again. Then he flipped the visor up, as if he needed to see the paper with his own eyes to believe it was real. "You _kept_ it? All these years? And never once read it?"

"S'pose I was punishing myself, too." Shrugging, Jesse returned it to the brim and wedged the hat back onto his head, tugging it low to shade his expression. "Guess we're both idiots."

"I guess we are." Genji's agreement was full of regret and longing, no longer trying to hide his feelings behind a flat tone. "But I fully admit I bear most of the blame. If I'd ever _once_ confessed how much you meant to me, you'd have known I wouldn't abandon you."

"To be fair, you did flat out tell me you'd rather die than lose me," Jesse replied, no less rueful. "Prob'ly shoulda taken that into consideration, but I thought that was _why_ you were runnin'."

"Because I always did, when I slipped up and let you get too close," Genji acknowledged. "That pattern was very thoroughly established. Why should you have expected anything different?"

There was a long pause, as they both stared at each other, uncertain what to do or say next. Swallowing, Jesse made himself break it first. "Why?" he demanded. "That's the thing I still don't understand. _Why_ did you always push me away, refuse to get close? Hell, why did you ever come to me in the first place? I never even got to kiss you except the once, let alone anything else. Why?"

"I never let you touch me because I was repulsed by my own body." Genji dropped his gaze, as if he couldn't meet Jesse's eyes. There was a distinct note of shame in his voice. "I could hardly stand the sight of myself some days. I believed I wasn't even human anymore."

" _What_?" Jesse stared at him, floored. "The hell you mean, not human? Am I less human 'cause I've got a cybernetic arm?"

"I'm literally more machine than man. There's a reason they call me a cyborg, but don’t use that term for people who've replaced limbs." Genji shook his head. "I thought I'd lost my soul. Until I came to understand the Omnics better, and realized if _they_ can have souls - and I truly believe they do, after so much time among their spiritual leaders - then there's no reason being a machine would cost me mine."

There was so much wrong with all that, Jesse hardly knew where to start. Nor was there really any point in trying - that kind of emotion didn't answer to logic, so there was no talking somebody out of that sort of thinking. Besides, from the way Genji described it, he'd already found his own path out of that dark place. "I wish you'd let me help you with any of this, back then," Jesse said instead.

Finally Genji looked up. "I wish I had, too. Things would have been much different. But the other reason I wouldn't let you close was that I knew it would distract me. Losing focus on my need for revenge felt like... like a betrayal of myself. There was some twisted part of my subconscious that believed I didn't have the right to be happy, to feel pleasure, until I could release the core of my pain once and for all by taking vengeance on Hanzo. Yet I couldn't completely deny my need for human contact, no matter how hard I tried."

"And you sure did try." That came out more bitter than Jesse had meant it to, but he wasn’t going to be able to let go of that pain any time soon. "Can't tell you how often I promised myself that the next time you came a-knockin' on my door, I'd have the self respect to tell you to go to hell. How I could be the only one gettin' off and yet still feel like you were usin' me, I don't rightly know."

"Because I was. I knew that you wanted, _needed_ more, and I continued to take what I desired with no care for you. And I deeply regret that selfishness." Genji bowed - not a little nod, but a full on bend-at-the-waist head-down bow. "I am sorry, Jesse. For all of it."

"Aw, hell. Quit that," Jesse scolded, flustered. "I coulda said something, too. It’s both our faults."

Rising, Genji regarded him with an expression that was almost wary. "What now? Is it too late to fix this? Can we even hope to start again?"

After the way Genji had fled earlier, that was pretty much the last thing Jesse had expected to hear. His heart jumped into his throat, yet at the same time was pounding so hard in his chest that it felt like his ribs were shaking. "I'd say that's up to you, darlin'. The most recent fuck-up was definitely mine. Question is, what would we be startin'? Same old, same old?"

The worst part was, the ache Jesse could feel deep in his chest - and a very different ache in his groin - said he'd probably take exactly that, if it was all Genji was offering. Once again, all his vows to stand firm and not let Genji use him came to nothing against the real possibility of feeling that pleasure once more. 

" _No._ Never again, not like that." Genji reached up, and to Jesse's astonishment, unlatched his helmet and removed it, baring most of his head - and followed it up by pulling his mask off, exposing his face for only the second time Jesse had ever seen.

"Hey, now," Jesse protested, alarmed. The last time he'd seen Genji without the mask that kept oxygen-rich air in his damaged lungs, the man had nearly suffocated. "Is that safe?"

"Well, we're not trapped in dust-filled stale air this time," Genji pointed out with a small smile. "And the Shambali were able to do a great deal to improve my systems. It wouldn't be a good idea to run a race, but I'll be okay. I want..." 

He stopped, took a breath that seemed to be more about bracing himself than a need for air, and walked slowly toward Jesse. "I want to kiss you again. Find out if it was the spice of desperation, or if you really taste as good as I remember."

Shuddering with need, Jesse moved to meet him halfway, and reached up to cup Genji's face in his hands the moment the other man was in range. The skin around his eyes was pale from lack of sun, but even so there was a sharp tan line across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose where the mask always sat. That ghostly skin felt delicate beneath Jesse's callused thumbs as he swept them across. The cool metal of Genji's jaw pressed hard against his palms, an enticing contrast.

Mouth parting on a sharp exhale, Genji locked his eyes on Jesse's, and darted his tongue out to wet his upper lip. Jesse groaned at the memory of how fucking good the ninja was with that tongue. And that had just been a kiss - what would it be like to have the man’s mouth on Jesse’s dick? Christ, he _really_ wanted to find out.

"We're doin' it right, this time," Jesse said, his voice hoarse. He wanted to be sure they were on the same damn page. "You'n'me, together, for real. None of this dark corners and pretendin' it never happened shit."

"Is that your way of asking me on a date?" Genji asked, and his smile grew wider. "Because your sense of romance _sucks_ , McCree. Guess I'll have to take you to dinner and show you how it's done. Now fucking kiss me, already."

"Thought you’d never ask." Jesse groaned as he leaned down and pressed his mouth to Genji's, kissing as desperately as if the other man was air and Jesse had been drowning. He swept his tongue over Genji's lips, tasting the same combination of metal and mint that had enticed him so much the first time. He delved deep to get more, sucking at Genji's tongue with enthusiasm.

Sliding his hand up Jesse's back, Genji knocked his hat off and fisted his hand in Jesse's hair. Jesse mumbled an indistinct protest to losing the hat, but there was no way in hell he was going to break the kiss to go chasing after it. Not when Genji was pliant and aggressive all at the same time, tangling his tongue with Jesse's and searching out sensitive spots in his mouth.

Then Genji broke the kiss, and Jesse's protest was much stronger this time. Smirking up at him, Genji dropped his free hand to run the metal fingers along the top of Jesse's belt. "Your mouth tastes so good, I wonder what you taste like elsewhere?"

"Here?" Jesse looked around at the tiny flat space atop the gantry, without so much as an ankle-high rim around the platform to stop them from tumbling over the edge. There wasn’t enough room to stretch out flat, and the rough surface would be anything but comfortable.

With Genji standing there, the heat of desire clear in his eyes, gaze focused on the tent straining Jesse's pants, it seemed like the sexiest damn location Jesse had ever seen. 

Aw, hell. Wouldn't be the weirdest place they'd ever done it in, or even the most dangerous. Eagerly Jesse dropped his hands to his belt buckle, fumbling it open as fast as he could. 

To Jesse's delight, Genji reached up to his left shoulder and undid a fastening somewhere, pulling the armour off his arm. This was more how Jesse was used to seeing him, and he was eager to touch and taste all that flesh he'd never been permitted contact with before. Better yet, Genji kept going, unlatching the chest piece and letting it fall at his feet, baring not only his upper left torso but part of the right and his abs as well.

There was a _lot_ of damage to the lower areas Jesse had never seen before. He reached out and ran his right hand over Genji's abs, tracing the ridges of muscle and rough scarring. A lot of it looked like burns, which made sense given he'd been able to use his dragon to cauterize Jesse's arm, but there were deep, vicious slash wounds as well. 

"Can you feel anything on the scar tissue?" Jesse asked, wanting to know how best he could _finally_ give pleasure to the man.

"I can't feel anything at all below the chest," was Genji's dismaying answer. He gave a dark smile in response to Jesse's disappointed look. "Another reason I never let you do anything. Since I stopped wallowing in self-pity, however, I've discovered it's not _completely_ pointless. But first..." he tugged sharply at Jesse's fly, metal fingers digging in until the fabric threatened to rip. 

"Oh, hell no," Jesse protested, catching Genji's hand in his and stilling him. When Genji looked up at him, dismayed, Jesse shook his head with a grin. "You can't make a comment like that and not follow through on it, darlin'. I have been waiting _years_ to get my hands on you, and if I let you have your wicked way, I got no guarantee I'll get to have mine."

"What, you don't trust me?" Genji asked, all exaggerated hurt innocence. Jesse raised a skeptical eyebrow at him, and the ninja chuckled. "All right, I deserve that. Do your worst."

Though the words were challenging, there was a hint of hesitation in Genji's voice. He might say he'd accepted himself and his body, but Jesse sensed that one negative comment from him could undo a lot of that progress. Not that Jesse had anything negative to say, but there was no harm in making _sure_ Genji knew that.

"‘Bout goddamn time," Jesse muttered, stepping closer and leaning in to run his mouth over the side of Genji's throat. Judging by the way the other man shuddered beneath the touch, breath catching, it was a sensitive spot. Grinning, Jesse did it again, then nipped at the corded muscle, following the sting with a soothing lick from his tongue.

Genji tipped his head to the side, giving Jesse better access, and he took that for the invitation it was. He fastened his mouth on the spot where neck met shoulder, and sucked hard enough to leave a bright mark behind on the pale skin. That made Genji gasp and clutch at Jesse for support, shivering again.

"You're gorgeous, darlin'," Jesse said, bringing his hands into play to stroke and pet at Genji's chest. He wasn't sure where sensation stopped, so he mostly stayed high, but he did dip down to scratch the edge of his nail across Genji's nipple. He was rewarded with a choked cry and another shudder, Genji's head falling to rest against Jesse's shoulder. "So fucking sensitive, I love it."

"Nobody has touched me outside a medical situation since this happened to me," Genji admitted, his voice rough. "I don't know if I'd forgotten how intense it can be with someone else, or if it really feels better."

"Well, let's find out how good we can make it, hmm?" Jesse tweaked the nipple again, then leaned down to fasten his mouth over the now tight peak. Sucking, nipping, and licking all drew different but equally enticing noises out of Genji, whose grip grew tighter and tighter on Jesse's shoulders as he lost his composure entirely.

Reluctantly, Jesse had to disengage to protest. "Ease up, darlin'," he murmured. "You don't need to hold me here, I ain't goin' nowhere."

"Sorry." Genji sounded genuinely embarrassed, maybe even flustered. Worse, he pulled his hands away like he thought his touch wasn't welcome anymore.

That simply wouldn't do. Jesse caught Genji by the hips and pulled him close, dropping another quick kiss on his lips. "Tell me what I can do for you," he asked, almost pleaded. "I wanna make you feel as good as you always do me. What does 'not completely pointless' mean?"

"It means I..." Genji's voice caught as Jesse nipped at his throat again, and turned breathless in a way that had nothing to do with lung issues. "I can't feel sensation on my cock, but I can feel pleasure from the stimulation."

"Oh yeah?" Intrigued, Jesse trailed his hand down Genji's stomach, cupping the smooth metal that covered his groin. "You ever think about me while you were findin' that out?" Genji made a strangled noise, eyes sliding closed as he nodded, and Jesse grinned. "So how do I go about doin' this stimulating, hmm?"

Dropping his hands, Genji unhooked one last latch on his suit, and the metal Jesse was gripping fell away. Beneath it Genji's cock was soft; Jesse's pride wanted to be insulted, but he told his ego to take a hike. 

Genji was trembling. It was subtle, especially since it was only in his human bits, but Jesse could feel it. This was another potential landmine, and Jesse was damn well not going to trip over it. His fucking pride had already cost them seven years together.

Stepping in close, Jesse kissed Genji deep and slow, letting his tongue slide lazily across every sensitive point he could find. At the same time he wrapped his hand gently around the other man's limp cock, stroking in time with the motions of his tongue. It began to rise almost immediately, but Genji didn't react in any noticeable way.

Not for a few moments, at least, but then _something_ seemed to kick in. Genji groaned into the kiss, hand fisting in Jesse's hair again as he pressed closer still. His tongue duelled Jesse's, cock continuing to harden until it was as solid as any of his cybernetic parts. Though there was no direct reaction to anything Jesse tried, from rubbing his thumb over the slit to dragging his nails along the shaft, Genji slowly fell apart in his arms. 

It was like watching an orgasm happen in slow motion, arousal creeping up on the other man until Genji was shuddering in Jesse's hold and moaning in stuttering bursts. Jesse broke the kiss to play his tongue over Genji's ear instead, murmuring soft encouragement. "That's it, darlin'. Gimme everything you got. God, you're beautiful, look at you. If I weren't so fucking happy right now, I'd be mad you kept this side of you from me for so many years."

"I was a fool," Genji replied, his voice shaking as much as his body. "I couldn't imagine how anyone would desire such a monstrous body, and I feared to see rejection in your eyes. To lose the one tiny human connection I allowed myself."

"You were an idiot, all right," Jesse agreed with a chuckle. Genji's cock was twitching in his hand, and he was sure the other man was on the edge. "As if I'd have done anything other than drop straight to my knees to suck you right down. In fact, that sounds like a fine idea." 

Maybe Genji wouldn't be able to tell the difference between mouth and hand, but if pleasure was pleasure, then Jesse was going to make sure the other man got as much of it as possible.

Tugging off his serape, he dropped it to the rough metal platform to shield his knees, then sank down. With great delight, Jesse went to town, licking and sucking and bobbing his head. It had been a long, long time since he'd last had a cock in his mouth, but the skill came back to him quickly, and damn if Genji didn't taste and feel better than anything he could have imagined.

It was almost a disappointment that it took only a minute or two before Genji's cock jerked and he exploded, bitter semen coating Jesse's tongue before he eagerly swallowed it down. Genji cried out, a hoarse shout that might well echo through the whole damn base, but Jesse didn't care. If he had his way, it was going to be very obvious to everyone exactly what he and Genji got up to in their spare time from now on.

Because Genji couldn't feel the actual sensations, he didn't seem to have the reflex that made his cock oversensitive after orgasm. Jesse kept going, gentling his touch with long, slow licks along the softening length, until the other man's dick was limp in his mouth. Only then did he withdraw, pulling back to look up at Genji with a distinctly smug grin.

He was incredibly pleased to see that the ninja looked absolutely _wrecked_ , head hanging and eyes closed as he panted for air, the expression on his face one of dazed ecstasy. It was clear that he was only on his feet because his cyborg legs were locked in place. Both of his hands were now clenched in Jesse's hair, and when he slowly opened his eyes, the heat in his gaze was enough to set Jesse on fire, too.

Shifting his tight grasp to a stroking motion through Jesse's hair, Genji sighed. "I wish I could borrow Tracer's time abilities to go back and kick my fucking ass in Blackwatch for pushing you away. So many years wasted."

"I wish you could too," Jesse replied dryly. "Might come join you in the effort." Genji chuckled, and Jesse decided he would be happy to grow used to that sound. The difference in the ninja was astounding, and entirely a good change. "All we can do is go forward, and I damn well intend to do that together."

"Yes." Genji dropped to his knees as well, cupping Jesse's face and kissing him deep. He moaned when his tongue swept across Jesse's, perhaps tasting himself there. When he pulled back, the soft, affectionate smile on Genji’s lips was everything Jesse could ever have wanted. "Right now, however, I have a very specific plan in mind. I've been dreaming about sucking you off since the first time I ever got my hand on you."

"Shit, yes. Me too, darlin'." Jesse hurried to unzip his fly, shoving his pants and boxers down enough to free his straining cock. When Genji wrapped his cool metal hand around Jesse's hot flesh, he shuddered and rocked into the touch.

Genji drew Jesse into another heated, sloppy kiss, right hand stroking firmly over Jesse's cock, the unyielding metal squeezing _just_ right. Genji clearly hadn't forgotten exactly how Jesse liked it, and he was doing his best to whip Jesse into a frenzy of need and desire.

Jesse slid his hand into Genji's hair in turn, careful to avoid the metal sheath that covered his spine and the back of his head. When he tugged at the dark, coarse locks, Genji groaned against Jesse's mouth, and nipped his lip in retaliation. Then he licked it in apology, slick tongue gliding across the chapped flesh, and Jesse shuddered on a moan.

When Genji finally pulled away, he didn't waste any time, diving for Jesse's cock like he was starving for it. Jesse certainly was, and he couldn't hold back his shout of pleasure when Genji's mouth engulfed the head. The contrast of soft upper lip and hard lower closing around the sensitive flesh was unbelievably hot, especially when Genji swirled his talented tongue around the slit. 

" _Christ_ , you feel so good," Jesse ground out, fighting to keep control of himself. It had been a while - nothing but his own hand since that last time with Genji, and honestly not even a hell of a lot of that. He'd spent most nights passed out drunk to try to avoid his dreams, not jerking off. But even if he'd been polishing his piece every damn day, the hot, sweet sensation of Genji's mouth on him would still have him hovering on the edge.

Genji licked and sucked at him like the world's most delicious lollipop, while stroking the shaft with his left hand. His right tugged Jesse's pants lower on his hips, then dove in to fondle his balls, cupping and rolling the sac in time with his tongue lapping precome from Jesse's weeping slit.

The ninja made a humming noise of pleasure and contentment, damn near to a purr, and it vibrated his tongue against Jesse's cock. He let the edge of his teeth be felt, delicately scraping the broadest part of the head, and that was it. Loosing a shout that outdid the one Genji had made, Jesse came hard, cock jerking as he emptied his seed into Genji's mouth.

The other man drank it down, milking every last drop and licking for more, until Jesse groaned and tugged at Genji's hair. "Enough," he pleaded, his voice hoarse. His whole body was trembling in reaction, to his emotions as much as to the orgasm. In all the times Genji had ever gotten him off, this was the first one where Jesse felt like he was being worshipped instead of used.

With obvious reluctance, Genji pulled off him. The smile he directed at Jesse as he sat up was distinctly smug. "Guess I haven't lost my touch." His voice was as rough as Jesse's, his breathing fast as his chest heaved, but he showed no signs of worry or distress at his own condition so it was probably nothing but desire. Jesse was looking forward to finding out exactly where the other man’s limits were. 

"You ain't lost nothin'," Jesse agreed in a lazy, content drawl. He was wallowing in pleasure, would have been perfectly happy to curl up and take a nap. Preferably with Genji tucked up against his side, head on Jesse's shoulder, legs tangled. "Goddamn, darlin', that tongue of yours is pure gold."

"And all yours," Genji murmured, almost shy. There was a questioning note beneath the words, buried deep as if he struggled to hide his uncertainty. Jesse understood, because there was a part of him that wanted to keep begging for reassurance, too. They'd fucked this up so bad, so many times, it was hard to believe they could possibly finally have it right.

"Darlin', there ain't been nobody but you for me since the first time we ever did this," Jesse murmured, embarrassed by the admission of his pathetic devotion, but wanting to reassure Genji this was very, very real.

The other man's eyes went wide. "Not in all the years since?" When Jesse shook his head, Genji kissed him again, short but intense. "It probably goes without saying, but it's only been you for me, too. _Ai shite'ru_ , Jesse. I have loved you for a very long time, though I tried so hard not to."

The simple, heartfelt confession stunned Jesse. Of course he felt the same, suspected Genji felt it too, but he hadn't ever expected to _hear_ it. Genji had never been one to talk about his feelings.

But maybe that was exactly because he'd been trying so hard to deny those feelings, to himself and everyone around him. 

Talking about emotions had never been Jesse's thing, either, but this had to be said and Genji deserved to hear it. "Love you too, babe. God help me, but I always have, and that's the truth." The rush of gratitude and love in Genji's expression was worth every bit of effort the words had cost him to get out.

Maybe now that they were both _finally_ on the same page, they could do something good with their emotions, instead of hurting each other and themselves over and over again. In so many ways, Genji had been the worst thing that ever happened to Jesse - but there was absolutely no question now that he was also the best thing in Jesse's life.


End file.
